“Don’t choke me, bro!” Image by Flickr user normanack

After a long run in the Golden Gate Xpress, it is time for the infamous Crime Blotter to move into less conservative waters. Inside the murky waters of The Swamp, the Crime Blotter is now a place where some of us at Xpress can have a little more freedom to cross lines of decency when applying, for a lack of a better word, humor, into small misdemeanors at or near SF State. On behalf of myself and the entire staff, I would really like to extend my gratitude for all of the positive feedback regarding the Fall 2012 Crime Blotter. Below are just a few examples:

“I’ve been biting my tongue for a while, but I hate this.” — Xpress adviser

“The joke about smashing bottles is not okay. That is a serious danger. I know you stated that you did not endorse it, but I don’t think humor should be mixed with crime or danger.” — @hellojoaquin

“You are a disgrace to reports (yes he said reports). I hope you never get a job at a real publication.”— unknownshmo@gmail.com

So here it is: the first version of the Crime Blotter on The Swamp. Enjoy!

Choke Your Chicken Somewhere Else

A couple days ago we wrote a blog about where people have sex on campus. What we failed to mention is that sometimes, it doesn’t always take two to tango.

Jan. 20,  around 3 a.m., there were reports of a subject masturbating in the area of Font Blvd. University and San Francisco Police responded, searching the area. After some heavy duty investigating, the results came up negative. Either the police didn’t use their black light to its full potential, or this Pee-Wee Herman impersonator is an expert in hiding the evidence. Maybe he should give “How to hide your knuckle children” seminars to all the perps on “Law and Order.” It seems like those guys can’t even cross the street without leaving some DNA evidence.